Commish report - Draft Edition
Can you believe it. The National Ella League has done it’s 7th draft already. Labor day weekend has become my New Years. Getting together with all you degenerates every year always gives me a nice warm feeling inside. (now) Solo owner Kolotripa has made the trip out here for the 2nd year of a row. A nice round of applause for him. It really does mean a lot, when we get the whole league together. We are one big happy family. However, coming all the way from Cali kinda made Nikita a little jetlagged don’t you think? Im getting ahead of myself now. I'll discuss that in a bit.. Oh man, but it’s so hard not to mention it. MCKINNON! MCKINNON! Did you see Nikita’s awkward smile when he found out McKinnon was out for season. We talked about it for 10 minutes in the room together Nikita. Stop eating your girly salad and pay attention man. Damn it. There I go again ranting again.
First off I would like to give a moment of silence for one of our founding fathers, Mo. Mo was in this league from the beginning and wanted to be apart of the NEL very badly. Mo was there when I created this league in 2012 in my Ardsley home inside my living room. He will be added back onto the list of new comers. I give one of my best friends not a goodbye, but a good riddance. Mo thank you.
I said this before and I will say it again. The NEL is in a dark age my friends. Franis the owner of Ryde or Die is the champion. No, it wasn’t a bad dream. Yes, it was the worse team in NEL history to win a championship. Scoring the least amount of point in the regular season and barely breaking 500. I m still in shame losing to him in the playoffs.
Now on the draft. Our teams this season was a lot different than last years teams. What I mean by that is this draft was deep. All our teams looks to have our knockout players. Last year was a transition year for most the NFL teams and players. Too many old players, players losing their jobs and too many rookies and sophomore that were not established yet. Now, we have a pretty good idea who the top dogs are now.
I will go by in order of the draft picks on what I think of each team. I will tell you MY pro and cons for each team and who the sleepers for each team will be.
Sparta United - Sparta went into the draft comfortable with the 1st pick overall. However, a little nervous with his 2nd and 3rd pick. He kept losing his cool during the draft, while glaring at his archrival Ryde or Die owner Francis, with the belt… Sparta United wants nothing more to win the belt for the 2nd time and to prove to the NEL that his championship regin was not a fluke like Francis.
PRO- Nice pick with Gurley and avoiding Bell. Bell looks like will be missing time for contract disputes. Goldie should call Zeks lawyer from last year to get some intel.
Con- Gronk has not played a full season in years. This could crush Sparta if he gets another injury
Sleeper - Jamaal Williams
Matza Balls - The Running Back Hoarder we like to call him. Seems like he’s losing that rep after his draft this season. Let’s see how well he does in the waiver this season. Goldie seemed very confident pre draft. It was Gurley or it was Bell. He understood that Bell was holding out on his contract. However, he still picked him up. Does he know something that we all don’t know? Is it the eye of the Jew? Our did he seem to be getting greedy like he does every year! MB whole team consists of Felons, Players that have had season ending injuries and players with drug problems. I guess he wants to regain his Chain Gang award for the 2nd year in a row. They should name a prison after you. Matza Balls Correctional Facility head warden Jonathan “Bell” Goldberg. His head of security Josh “I can’t stop smoking weed” Gordon.
PRO - Wentz was my favorite pick up in his draft. Even though he won’t play Thursday Night. He will come back with a force. My opinion he will be the best QB in the NFL this season. Jacksonville Defense will score more points then most of his players.
CON- Bell holding out on his contract is scary. That’s why sparta skipped on him on first pick. Bell, might not show up for a few weeks or even more. McCoy is on a deflated Buffalo Bills. The Bills busted their nut last season making the playoff for the first time since 1999 now they lost their whole team including their offensive line.
Sleeper - Royce Freeman
Spankers - THE SPANKERS CAUSE WE SPANK YOU. SPANK SPANK SPANK. We didn’t hear a lot of that during the draft. I m actually kinda of sad about that. Oh well, its a long season boys and girls. The Spankers went into the draft thinking of one thing on his mind. 3…. The Spankers were about 99.9% that they was getting David Johnson the 3rd pick. But what would he have done if Gurley came to him? If you remember two season ago, Nick took Gurley and had a really bad season. Would he have past on The Gurley Man. Thats a question the Spankers will only know… Can the Spankers make the playoffs this year after a three season draught?
PRO - Besides David Johnson, the Spankers does not have anymore huge home run hitters. However, he has a lot players like Joe Mixon, Crabtree and cousins that won’t put High numbers but not low either. Sometimes a lot of decent players might be better than a few all-stars.
CON - Tyreek Hill with a first year quarterback scares me a lot. Kelcee will be the main target of that team. This team reminds me of my team (Sparta United) last season. Jack Doyle, Cousins, Dez (if he plays). The players are good, (but this might contradict me my previous comments in the Pro category in the spankers) but, too many average players won’t win the big games. I won’t be shocked if the Spankers win games but never win a weekly high this season.
Sleeper - Theo Riddick
DropTheBall - The current TWO time paper bag of shame! DTB drafted like a Giant fan, with his first pick being Barkley (or Bradly whatever that off the boat greek was saying) . In my eyes, he went a bit to early only because the Giants Offense Line was straight up trash last season. I kinda want to see what they would before picking him up. But, he refused to take Zeek. Something about Zeek being a wife beating felon? Goldie, I thought your lawyer cleared his name!
PRO - Loved the Thielen and Howard Combo in the 2nd and 3rd round. I feel like Howard and DA Bears are gonna be a better team then everyone thinks. And now that, the bum Cousins is out of Minnesota, Thielen gonna see much more action especially in the slot, where Krik Cousins refused to throw.
CON - I get the Chris Hogan pick, I really do. Julian Edelman is suspended for few weeks and he’s gonna have some more action now being the number one. However, Brady spreads the ball to all his players with Gronk getting most of the TD passes, just cause he a giant. When Edelman returns he’s gonna see a lot of his catches reduced. A little too early for Chris “Hulk” Hogan in the 4th round. He could have gone later.
Sleeper - Quincy Ennui
BX Ballbusters - Damn Kal. You try so hard to find a rival. But, in the end of the day your just a puppy to us. Your the NEL teddy bear. The host of the Switz Report. You tried and stir something with James, but James can’t take you series. Will Kal ever find a Rival? Maybe, you can create a poll on the new NationalEllaLeague.com webpage on finding a rival.
PRO - I loved Ballbusters mid draft. Players like Evan Engram, Garoppolo. But most importantly he picked up Peyton Barber. With the Bucs QB missing for a few games their offense is gonna rely on the run heavy.
CON - He really wanted that running back. Brown is the best wide receiver in the NFL. You skipped Brown for a running back that lost his starting center. Sure Zeek is a beast. But, Brown if healthy can catch anything. The defense is gonna know to rush Zeek cause that's the only weapon Dallas have now.
Sleeper - Peyton Barber
NY C-Men - The 2018 Golden Douche himself. Cmen is haunted with the name 'just being ok' and not making the playoffs since year three of the NEL. Even when he has a good team Cmen cant catch a break with either injuries or bad schedule. Last season Cmen had the 5th highest point in the NEL and still didn’t make the playoffs. Cmen had a dream, that this year Cmen is turning over a new leaf. He dedicating his life to fantasy football. He has become MR fantasy. He wants that belt more than anyone… This is the year of the Greco..... Then he woke up next to Michael Fabiano. James you dirty whore you.
PRO - Brown fell right into his lap. Then in the second round picked up AJ Green. AJ green can easily be first round pick again next season. Really am scared of the combo in week one against Greco.
CONS - Lamar Miller is a big fat bum. Every year he drops further back in the draft. He will not be starting by the end of the year. I could put money on it. Cmen will need to look out for a replacement for Miller. He should check the waivers for some backup Running backs, because his team is need of them.
Sleeper - Josh Doctson
Ryde or Die - I m so happy Francis sucks at drafting. I mean seriously? How’d you win a championship? We all deserve a paper bag of shame after you winning with that team you drafted. “Dimitri Stop” in his annoying voice. Francis, needs to stop eating food and pay attention to the draft time. “Frank you have a minute left!” I would say “WAIT IM UP?!” Francis said in his nasally voice. Francis will go first to worst this season.
PRO - Picked a good defense
CON - Seriously? Did a kindergartener draft this team? He picks the same players every season. I can’t anymore. NEXT!
Sleeper - Himself when he eats from the paper bag this season
The TosoLocos - The divorce is finalized and Spiro finally has his own team in the NEL. Coming off a huge loss in the Finals to that jerk francis. Spiro went wild in the draft. Picking who ever he wanted to. Do you think he pick players early? Hell yes he did. But you cant judge his logic till mid season.... Now back to Spiro joining the NEL. I’ve never heard someone more cheerful then Spiro when he found out he got his own team in the NEL. Yes, he loved working with Nikita. And Nikita loved him too. But, Spiro acted like he just won a 10 million dollar scratch off when he heard he was getting his own team.
PROS - I feel like running back Penny from the SeaHawks will have a very good year. In my eyes I think he went too late.
CONS- Sterling Shepard in the 5th round
Sleeper - Anthony Miller
JetsfanNYPD - The three time champ is also the Yahoo Paper champion. For real? Seriously, every other year Jetsfan wins the belt and it this year is considered a “Brian Year”. He got players that he should have never seen with the 9th pick. Brian is like the worst champion ever. He does not gloat at all. He does not talk shit. Hell he barely in the group chat. Brian if your not talking in the group chat when you retire next year, I m gonna kick your ass. Lets get Brian to get more involved with the league. Brian, I want you to come to my place every weekend to watch the games. Or… Or…… I’ll arrest you myself. #FTP
PROS - Kamara went 9th? Really? We skipped Kamara for Fournette. Seriously? Jetsfan got a very generous gift from his fellow NEL’ers. Especially, with Mark Ingram out for few games due to suspension. Kamara will be the new beast mode
CONS - Not a big fan of Jetsfans wide outs. Cooper from Oakland is a giant cluts that can’t catch the ball. Alshon Jeffries is a bum and never get his targets and Robert Woods is gonna lose time with Cooks in LA Now. I think Yahoo picked Jetsfan as paper champion because he has Tom Brady as his QB.
Sleeper - Cole Beasley
Chanx - The Puke brothers were hating on the 10th pick during the draft. I mean so would I. But I think they should be happy on who’d they drafted. Last year I did not like their team at all. This season, I think they have one of the scariest teams in the NEL, once again. It really depends on Old Man Fitz to see how strong their team really is. #cWo
PRO - McCaffrey and Ingram carried my team last season and Chanx team has a little more upside then my team last year. OBJ could easily be the best WR in the nfl.
CON - Not a big Sanders fan. He will have a one really big game and then a lot of 4 point games. He might be the most inconsistent player in the nfl.
Sleeper - Chris Godwin
KOLOtripa - Something is telling me Spiro and Nikita really missed each other during the draft. McKinnon, McKinnon, McKinnon. It’s haunting Nikita. How’d didn’t did you hear us talk about it for 10 minutes before the draft? Were you too busy stretching your calves? Or too busy stretching your asshole with that rubber band thingy you brought to the draft. Seriously man, instead of talking about how fit you are and how many squat on a dick you can do you should of listen to Goldie blab about McKinnon tearing his ACL instead. But we did have a good laugh from that. Actually Three times we had good laughs. Kolotripa picked someone that got dropped three times. McKinnon, Dan Bailey and Bryant. Jesus man. The paper bag is coming home!
PRO - Julio Jones going into the 2nd round is crazy for me. Especially with Hunt going in the 1st. Great Combo.
CON - Even with the mistake with McKinnon I still think it was questionable to take Aaron Rodgers the next pick. Nikita should have went RB or WR to replace the point for McKinnon.
Sleeper - McKinnon
BalasLossinNikofTime- I guess he does not mind the 12 pick at all anymore. Especially drafting next to Nikita. BLNT, almost committed suicide when he found out about drafting 12th. Really, it was one of the best picks in the draft this season. #TeamParrot #WhoIsChris
PRO - I’ve always hated Jarvis Landry. But I think this year is the year he breaks out and become one of the best WR in the NFL.
CONS - Nothing. His team is perfect. Seriously, I just don’t want to hear him cry in the group chat for 4 days straight #KeyboardWarrior
Sleeper - AP
I think this year draft was one of the best. We did it in record time 3 hours and 20 minutes. Please be patient with the NationalEllaLeague.com page. It’s still not 100%. I love you guys and may the ella be with you all this season. Good luck
#YearofMcKinnon